Tuesday, May 26, 2015


Ever ask yourself if your life is dull?  I mean do you ever wonder why extraordinary things seem to happen to other people all the time but they just don’t happen to you on a more frequent basis. So did I once upon a time, until one day I realized that, in the words of an interview I saw with Stevie Nicks, “ There are two types of people in the world, realists and dreamers…I’m a dreamer.”  So I was like, “Yeah, I dream too,” but she meant that whatever it was she wanted out of life, she made the decision, damn the consequences, to live her dreams, hence the stardom and fame from her music and song-writing career.  I have noticed in my life, especially recently, that when I set my mind to getting something I want and I don’t care what the consequences are or fear how I will make something else happen while waiting for the results of my fantasy to happen, they usually happen and everything takes care of itself in the meantime.  It is SO amazing. 

I wish I could help people understand just how important it is to not only have fantasies and dreams, but to actually make them happen.   Ask yourself how fulfilled do you feel right now?  Are you out there living your life or sitting at your job or your house wishing you were somewhere else fulfilling your fantasies?  Fear is what stops most people from realizing their dreams.  They think things like, “In order to live out this fantasy, I would have to do this…which would lead to this probably happening…which may make so and so mad or irritated…or wouldn’t be fair to so and so,” or things like, “I wish I could…but I can’t risk it because of the money…and will I have money if I live my dreams or will I sink and become homeless…maybe I need to live safely.”  I get it, I really do, but I am here to tell you that you will never live a full and satisfying life denying yourself the things your heart and soul tell you it wants to experience.  Obviously I’m not saying to do things that will affect your young children in negative ways if you still have them at home, but if your dreams and fantasies are positive and good, then they will also be good for your children.  They will be happy in any positive situation that makes you ultimately happy.  You never know how much time you have and the clock is ticking on your allotment.

There are always ways to realize your positive dreams and fantasies and if you have faith that your heart will follow only the path that is meant to be, then follow it…all the way…to the end…no guilt…no regret…no looking back.  Your happiness is ultimately all that matters in the end…the VERY end. 


Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.


I guess I was born this way, having little to no verbal communication skills and timid as a rabbit when it comes to confrontation, but I was given an artistic gift in place of both, the desire to write.  I often wonder why it is that I am so compelled to write everything down as well as every feeling about every situation, but I know it is my only release, especially at this point in my life where I have left myself no other avenue.

I recall fondly the days when my son was first born and the people I had in my life that I could count on for instant relief via conversation and/or a glass of wine to boot.  I had friends that I could call any time of the day or night and who would not hold my neediness against me, despite my fear of that very fact. 

That is what I desire more than anything else in life right now…someone in my life who knows me well enough, loves me deep enough and understands completely that I just need to talk on a regular basis and who cares enough to grant me that little bit of selfishness from them.  Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as though I don’t have friends who could fit this bill, but I really don’t have any single friends. Everyone I know right now is very much tied up in their own lives with their significant others, their daily grinds and their need to handle their own stuff, let alone listen to mine, and that is as it should be.   I get that…I do, but I feel like I am a really good friend…I will always go beyond the whole nine yards when someone needs something of/from me, but I just don’t cross their minds because they are so “busy” with their lives.  I’m busy too, but I know how much I need to cherish all the good and positive aspects of my life on a daily basis, especially my friends, and those who have not yet caught onto that piece of wisdom tend to stay so tightly wrapped in their usual grind that they just don’t peek out from over the top of the wall to see what’s on the other side as often as would make their lives seem less hectic.  It’s a tough concept to grasp some.

While this post is a little “ranty on my part,” it is also with hope that I am able to convey that friendships are so important that you must make the time and the effort to meet and match the other person’s needs as they do yours.  Life is SO full of one-sided relationships, which is such a sad commentary on our times.  It’s great to have good friends, but in my book, it is the ultimate feeling of joy to BE a good friend. Hold onto only those people who qualify…the rest of them still need lessons and their lessons should not come at the cost of your time and effort. 

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Monday, May 25, 2015


I spent a beautiful day driving and hiking down the gorgeous Oregon and California coastlines with my boys.  How grateful I am for times like these.

 Thompson Creek Bridge is 300 ft., tallest bridge in Oregon

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Sunday, May 24, 2015


Do you ever feel like you want to be free?  I mean really feel it to the very depths of your soul?  The answer is simple...much more so than you would imagine.  All you have to do is love...that's it.  Love with all you've got, love with all you are. Love the life you were given so much that you seize every opportunity to love and be loved, regardless of fears and inhibitions.  

Do yourself a favor and don't saddle yourself with guilt or regret for fulfilling your dreams, your wants, your desires and your fantasies.  It's part of life...the best part.  Life is based on love and love is freedom, so love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of freedom.  Throw all fear and inhibitions in the trash can where they belong and live... just love.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Saturday, May 23, 2015


When my son was about four years old, we had some neighbors over to dye Easter eggs and had this little party and everything. He was always such a smart and astute student of life that he picked up on everything the adults would talk about, including my little sayings. Our neighbor Dawn and her husband were around the table and we were all dying eggs and my son was running around behind each of us listening to us talk and looking at the eggs. The exact conversation we were having is one I cannot remember but I do recall saying to Dawn, “You just have to be patient,” to which my son replied, “Yeah, Dawn, patience is a virgin.” Everyone in the room lost it and since then it has always been a running joke. My son is 21 now and we still throw that up at him, poor guy. He is a good sport and laughs about it though.

Patience is one of those words that so many people in my life have told me I needed, and yet it is one of those difficult concepts for me, as well as a lot of other people. It is something I have had to pray for and ask for forgiveness due to a lack of and really never had a clue as to how people were successful at it. I have to say though, I have been doing much better with this concept the older I get and I think the reason is because I find that if I endure it (sometimes it feels like a Chinese water torture) then the rewards I reap from having made it through are much greater. At that point I am so thankful that I was able to do it. It doesn't help that I am coming off of my anti-anxiety meds right now because, let's face it they really took the edge off, but I am having a sense of great pride when I am now able to achieve something because I endured the waiting time and had the patience it took to get there. I think through this concept alone I can really measure just how much I have grown as a person.

I think patience is one of those things that if you manage to get a handle on, will be the one concept that brings you the most joy. Sometimes, for me, it can make a day feel like a month has gone by, but I am learning to fill in the gaps between the onset of having to have the patience for a situation and the end results. I am learning to go out and get what I want in life and experience new things so that when my life is over I have no regrets whatsoever. So yes, patience is important for things to happen in their own time, but it doesn't have to be a reason to put your life on hold in the meantime.

I realize this post reads a little "klunky," but I am so tired from having been outdoors all day.  Hopefully the message it sends it apparent however, that depending on the situation in which patience is called for, make sure the other parts of your life are still functioning in a healthy manner while you are patiently waiting for your desired outcome. It can be hard, but well worth the results in the end.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Friday, May 22, 2015


Have you ever heard the term, “split-apart?” Some use “soul-mate” as the same reference but I love the term “split-apart” as it comes from the original theory of Plato, and I am a big fan of Greek philosophy.

I recently discovered a blog that explained this theory pretty well, Tracy states that, “The first ever written reference to each person having a destined mate was written by the ancient Greek philosopher, Plato (427 BC-348 BC). Plato's theory was that each human being is part of one soul, in which they only have half of. The idea is that the soul was "split-apart" and separated from each other– and, since that time, the two halves have been forever searching for one another in order to join together and regain their sense of original oneness. Many serious theorists propose that each of these alleged halves of the one soul learns all of life's lessons at their own pace, and if the two halves happen to cross paths at some point during life, they may have a powerful bond; because they are each other's "split-apart". They find a truly genuine connection, they're so alike in emotions or issues, that it can be an overwhelming and intense feeling...Now the question that rises is, when/if you meet your "split-apart" how will you know? I read an article about a man who claimed he had met his "split-apart" ten years previously to writing his article. He claimed it was "too much" for him, like Plato's theory states could occur. The way the man explained his reason for knowing it was her, was by stating that it was "an easy, natural kind of love", "a different kind of love he had ever felt." The man said he knew when he saw her, that it was something out of the ordinary; that when he looked her in the eyes, everything just made sense. When/if one were to meet their "split-apart", I believe it should be unique, unplanned and give you a feeling that you've never felt with another. I guess it's one of those things that you are unsure about, until you look at someone and wonder, "Is this what it feels like?"”

Now many of you may say that this is the same thing as a soulmate, however I believe a soulmate can be just that, someone who can be a mate to you and who has the same values, beliefs, etc., but not necessarily the ultimate match. You can choose to be a mate with anyone if you feel it is right, however a split-apart has no choice...once that soul was split, it set out to find that other half and if you are lucky enough to find it in your lifetime, you will know it the instant it happens because it will be like no other bond you have ever experienced. It will do things to your soul and your senses that you never imagined possible. Some even fear the feelings as they can be so overwhelming at first that they would have to either hold strong until they can handle them (as the feeling is so amazingly intense and unbelievably, gut-wrenchingly good), or they could turn tail and run from them, depriving themselves of the only truly unique experience they would ever have. Hard to say how one will react when they find the thing they have been searching for their whole lives.

I have felt like that. Like I have been searching my entire life for the one person who gets me like no one else has ever even tried. Who, within an instant, knows what the other is thinking or feeling. Who triggers so many feelings of deja vu because all of the visions you have had of each other are finally coming true. Who, when they aren't with you you can still feel each other from miles away and who wants nothing from me but to be with me simply because I'm me and vice versa. Not being one to settle for less as well as a hopeful, passionate romantic, I remain single until I can be with mine. I want the best out of life...the ultimate experience when it comes to love and sharing your life with someone and I will wait until I can make a life with my split-apart or remain single and have fun living life with my friends.

If you have been fortunate enough to have found your split-apart, we would love to hear about your experience. Please leave a comment below if you would like to share your story.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015


Do you ever feel broken?  I couldn't find a better word to describe this feeling, but broken seems to take care of it.  You know the feeling that causes you to keep asking yourself if the feelings you are having are good or bad or right or wrong, and you feel like you just aren't getting it right?  I call it "feeling broken" because we want to "fix" ourselves when we question these feelings.   

Here is what I have to say about feeling broken, STOP IT!!! (hahaha) Feelings are part of being human.  You know the phrase, "You have to go through it to get to it?"  You can't get through something if you don't let yourself have the full effect of the feelings you have for it.  Things just are...They will be what they will be no matter how you feel about it, which goes back to my post about having the illusion of control.  By you judging these feelings so harshly you may not make the decision that is best for you, that is fair to you.  You might make a decision that is best for anyone or everyone else who may be involved in the situation and find yourself just existing in multiple situations which you realize later in life you just "settled" for and then hate yourself for it.  

Here is what I   You may think to yourself, "Hey, I feel like doing (insert what you feel like doing here), but I can't do it just now because (insert all excuses here).  Just how sure are you that you are going to get a tomorrow or even a near future, not to mention a "later on in life."  The fact is that more people than not reach the end of their lives with so many regrets of the things they wanted to do or experience but were never true enough to themselves to grant those wishes.  How sad is that?

How do I know?  I used to be one of those people.  I have been through raising my son by myself, making ends meet by being a slave to a job I hated for years upon years, making excuses as to why I had to live in a state that made me so unhappy, nursing my mother for two years as I watched her slowly die from cancer, running her household and mine and working and depriving myself of a life that was true to me because of a "sense of duty" to every one else in my life. 

There just comes a point where you have to say, "I'm doing it."  If you have dreams and wants and desires in any area of your life, you have to make them come true while you have the chance, while you have a life to live and while it still matters to you, especially if it is something you feel passionate or strongly about. Why make a "bucket list?"  Again, a list of things you "would like to do."  Just get out there and do these things before you end up in a hospital bed from a stroke or heart attack or cancer or some other stress-induced disease.  It isn't fucking worth it!!!

Having had these realizations, and almost at a very bad breaking point for me, I decided to do something about it.  I moved to a place that makes me happy, I have a job that I really like, I make my art, I blog, I go to functions and travel to places I would like to see and I have finally learned that it is okay to open my heart and love unconditionally (which was the hardest one and a realization I actually had only hours ago) and you want to know the kicker?  I don't have a lot of money, but I always find a way.  If you ask for the answer, be it angels, or God or the universe or whoever you envision asking out there, you WILL make it happen.  For me, I meditate and pray and am learning more and more to let things happen as they are supposed to happen and in doing so, I find joy comes to me more and more.  Give up worrying and judging yourself.  

It comes down to this...find what you want in life (I mean truly want, not think you have to settle for) and do absolutely everything to make it happen.  You will never be truly happy feeling broken.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Saturday, May 16, 2015


  • As I was scrolling through quotes today on the internet, one of my favorite past times to kill boredom, I came across one that I had not heard before, but really struck resonance with me.  It states that, "A close friendship is every bit as sacred and eternal as marriage." Wow, I was blown away by that as well as the fact that I had not thought of it in this context before.  After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a bond between two people who consider themselves to be close friends?
I then realized this is one huge part of why I never married.  I thought maybe I was a commitment phobic, and to a degree I guess that has always been true, but then I thought about how many really close friends I have been so fortunate to have over the years, and those I still have that I have known for years and years and I think it fulfills me.  I have never had the need to be surrounded by people in my life, only a select few...the few I feel are worth the time and effort that goes into any relationship.  To that end the opposite is true...I have never felt the need to commit to one person and I think there is a little fear there that if I do, I will miss out on being close friends with the next person meant to come into my life (hence the commitment phobic part).  It leads me to believe more and more that I am not wired like the rest of society or even most of my friends who have had that need or desire to marry, however I do crave the promise of consistent love and affection one gets from marriage and I do find I have that with my really close friends. Some of them will always have my back, some will be there to listen at any hour of the day or night for any reason, some will cheer me on as well as let me cheer them on, and some will be so close we share all of that and then some.  I have to say I am blessed and grateful for, not only the people in my life who have proven to be tried and true, but to those who left my life due to toxicity.  

A friend, like a husband or wife, should be willing to do anything that it is within their power to do for you, because of your bond or commitment to one another...because of the nature of your respective love for one another and because of your mutual respect. I believe that one day I will find that one person who makes me want to marry, but if the bond and the commitment are there, I probably won't feel the need. At least I haven't thus far, but who knows?  It's a great quote.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Friday, May 15, 2015


A very wise person once told me that thoughts are things (thank you T.S.) and that what you think about comes to fruition. What truth there is to that!!! I never realized this so much until I began to turn my negative life into a postive one and now, wow, things that I think about, good and positive things, are entering my life and I'm so blown away by this concept. It makes sense though, because with everyone and everything being vibrational, you are naturally going to manifest what you think about.

What is changing you ask? Every part of my world. The way I view things now, the choices I make, the judgments I stopped making, my views about myself and my body, self-confidence and having love in my life. I feel free now. I used to have a three bedroom house and it was full of antiques and material things. Once I made the decision to change my life, I sold all of it. I admit at first it was difficult, but then I realized I just wanted to start over and start positive and be free. After everything was sold, I just experienced this lightness, this sense of being able to go and do as I please with nothing holding me down, including a house. Eventually I will find a piece of property on the river and a log cabin and build a huge garden on the river's edge (always a dream of mine) and I know I will find someone to share that life with and build on that.

Now I realize anything is possible. People don't realize it most of the time, but with their thoughts they are constantly telling themselves that things are not possible...that they are difficult and out of their reach and there is this or that standing in their way or people they don't want to hurt in the process or things they just “can't” get to work, etc. Tell yourself that you will have wonderful things, that they are in your reach, that you will spend your life with the love of your life, that you will gain what you want, that you will find the way and that it is possible.

I now know that I am going to live my dream life with the love of my life and that everything, even as we speak, is falling into its postive and wonderful place.

Be conscious of your thoughts. Turn them into positive and wonderful thoughts and manifest a postive and happy life. If I can do it, you can do it. May you be happy, healthy and blessed. I know I am.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015


Is that, or is that not, a title that already confuses you? I thought it would. Good. The following is a quote by author George Saunders : "Try to remain permanently confused.  Anything is possible.  Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen." 

I love this quote.  I feel like he is saying that you should open yourself up and expose every nerve and feel every inch of life...feel all you can feel, confusion, pain, joy, love, laughter, passion and even some of the not-so-pleasant emotions because that is what it is to truly be alive.  To be open to all the change and atrophy coming at you from the world...not to over think it all, but to just live it, be it, own it, love it and cherish it...every second.  If you think about things all the time and try to understand everything, you can drive yourself crazy, not to mention completely miss the meaning if you figure it out.  Sometimes things don't make sense.  They just don't.  They're not supposed to.  Not everything has to.

I have been wrestling with some issues lately and this quote was the answer I was looking for.  I hope it will be an inspiration for you as well.  Thank you, God.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Monday, May 11, 2015


(My latest journal design)
Did you ever want something so much, even though you knew it wasn't good for you?  I'm not referring to food because we always want that.  No, I'm referring to relationships...with people you know going in will not work out, and yet you go in anyway, either out of a sense of loneliness or desperation or the need for sex. 

The wrong reason can never be the right reason to have a relationship.  For me, unfortunately, I have never been able to tell if people are lying to me in the beginning.  I believe them when they affirm their feelings of love for me and then I go in full bore and do everything in my power to show them how much I care.  I dote, I spoil, and I am the most monogamous partner ever possible.  But then it never fails, people get what they want from me, be it money, help, sex or a personal hand maiden, then they throw me away.  At some point I feel I had to know going in, that these people would do this to me from the start. I had to know that they were not genuine, and yet I let them in.

My point is this...we are the sum of our decisions.  What we choose either haunts us, taunts us, or elates us and brings us joy.  For those choices we make that bring negative vibrations into our lives, it is of the utmost importance that we learn from them and not repeat them time and time again.  For me, I learned that I will never again let anyone into my life who isn't genuine.  I will be respected, loved for who I am and maybe even spoiled a little.  I will not hide, I will not settle, I will not be lied to, I will not fall for anyone whose heart is not with mine, and I will not have meaningless sex.  It means something to me to make love to someone.  It means that I love someone so much that we have taken demonstration of that love to its next form of expression.  I am an extremely passionate person, not only in bed, but in life as well.  This passion will never be misdirected again.  It will only be rewarded to someone who loves and wants me for exactly who I am.

I hope you not only realize convictions like these, but love and respect yourself enough to have the integrity to stand by them.  It is the ultimate gesture of self-love.  Don't settle and don't stay in a wrong relationship for the right reasons.  Those reasons will never be right...for you.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Sunday, May 10, 2015


I had to post this because it is working out so well for me that I wanted to offer it to others.  Our smartphones, whatever platform you use, have such amazing technology these days, so why not put it to work for you.  I downloaded a free app from Google Play called, "The To-Do Reminder."  I had mainly been using it for the obvious, daily reminder abilities it offers.  However, awhile back I decided to use it in a different way and it is working out really well.  For example, I have a daily reminder set for three times out of the day and when it goes off the reminder says to stop, check my thoughts and if there is anything negative there or stressful, to change it to something positive and make sure I take at least three, deep, diaphragmatic breaths, and then I am allowed to move on through my day.  In this way I am changing my thought patterns by first becoming aware of what they are and then by changing them to be positive and healthy thoughts.  Eventually it will become second nature, but for now this is a great way to make each day positive.

I also set another reminder for affirmations.  This one goes off in the middle of the day and also in the evening before bed.  It says, "I am happy, healthy, blessed, loved, loving, valuable, wealthy, prosperous, lovable, necessary, caring, helpful, confident, unique, and very much worth all good things."  These are words that work for me, but you may want to write different ones for you. 

I hope you try it as I know you will like it.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Coos Bay Walk...05-2015

Being such a big fan of nature and humanity, it would come of little or no surprise as to just how much I love to be outdoors taking pictures of both.  Yesterday I went for a walk in our local park and then strolled the downtown area with camera in hand.  Whenever I feel I cannot make sense of certain things in my life, I find that watching other people in their own little worlds helps me to add perspective into mine, as well as the beauty and awe I find in nature which soothes my soul to its core.  I have uploaded some of my pictures from my inspirational walk with hopes that they will inspire you as well.

Friday, May 8, 2015


I took this on my Friday drive down the coast and back, so I could share it with everyone.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Thursday, May 7, 2015


Have you ever seen your universe?  This may sound like an odd question, but it is possible and it is real.  Our mortality as we know it, is a vibration, as is everything that makes up our “reality”… the things we see, feel, hear, taste an smell…everything we know as “physical” and real. 

If you ever want to experience an “out-of-body” sensation, try this:  Focus on the sky and just stare at it for a bit.  Now, as you stare you should start to notice billions of tiny particles floating all over…so many of them that there doesn't seem to be room for all of them.  Now focus on the particles and as you do, realize that everything about you is made up of just these particles…so is everyone and everything around you. 

Why would I want to realize such a thing about my life you might ask?  Simple.  Because if you ever start taking things too seriously and feeling overwhelmed and stressed about physical things, i.e., money, work, bills, possessions, etc., this can bring you back to perspective.  This will help you to realize that your perception is your life. 

You hear people say that your attitude is key to your life.  This is why.  When you are positive and your outlook is positive, you create positive vibrations in your universe.  The same happens if your are negative, so ultimately it is YOUR choice.  Always has been.  We are given free-will to make the choices that affect us and our worlds.  Things rarely just happen to us without being the results and consequences of our decisions. 

Change is constant and inevitable.  It is what everything is all about.  I don't know about you, but I want MY changes to all be positive and joyful.  The next time you find yourself stressing or worrying about something as simple as material things, stare out into space, focus on the floating particles or atoms, and try to see the bigger picture.  It makes everything else seem so unimportant.

Saturday, May 2, 2015


It is so sad, but unfortunately true, that more people than not have been raped and/or abused at some point in their life, usually in childhood or as a young adult.  I am one such person.  

For so many years after I was raped I lived inside of 
sick and twisted patterns and made choices that were not only guaranteed to fail, but seriously rendered it 
hard and self-destructive. I went around blaming all of my 
“problems” on the fact that I was raped and in turn I 
let myself fall into relationships that were ultimately 
abusive in one form or another.  I told myself that I was a victim and that the world owed me something for what I had been through.  Maybe if I had had someone to talk to during this time I might have chosen to see things 
differently, but I did not.  What I failed to realize at 
the time was that I made myself a victim.  I let my
attacker win.  Because of what he did to me I felt fear all of 
the time in every situation.  I let my self-esteem be ripped from my soul and as a result, I felt 
like I didn't deserve anything good in my life.  I 
gained weight because I wanted to appear unattractive to other people, I chose relationships with people 
who verbally abused me and cheated on me, I turned 
to drugs and alcohol, I had illicit encounters with 
strangers while under the influence, and I made sure 
to destroy anyone and everyone who wanted to love me for the right reasons.

That having been said, if you are someone or you 
know someone who has been abused, I beg you for 
your sake and the sake of those who want to be in 
your life to do good things with and for you, don’t let the abuser win.  If you have lost your self-esteem and gained weight, if you choose bad relationships, close the real you off to those who really want to help you, abuse substances, choose jobs you hate and feel fear all the time, I mean all of your decisions are based out of some sort of fear, be it worry, anxiety, 
depression, etc., then you have let the person who 
abused you take the life you could have had away 
from you and he or she has won.  

You were put on this earth to have a live it to 
the give and receive make a 
difference and to find joy.  Now is the time to take 
back what you lost.  Now is the time to say, “I am not a victim.  I am a survivor and I want my life back.”  Now is the time to change your diet to get your body back in shape and show it the appreciation it deserves for all the things it does for you daily.  So many of 
my friends say to me, “You’re not fat,” when I say 
I’m going back to my healthy eating because my 
pants are getting tight.  What a lot of them don’t 
know about me is just how fat I had let myself 
become when I first moved to Arizona and now if I 
feel my pants getting tight, I change my eating habits right away.  I refuse to buy larger clothing sizes to 
accommodate my low self-esteem anymore.  Putting unhealthy things into our 
bodies is a major form of low self-esteem.  Sure it’s okay every now and then to have a piece of cake at a party or the occasional slice of 
pizza, glass of wine or beer, but when this type of 
food becomes your daily diet, you have to know that 
it is unhealthy and that you are doing it because, deep down, you just don’t care about you.  

The same goes for substance abuse.  There are so 
many programs in place for recovery and many of 
them state-funded and free, and you can stop this destructive 
pattern and get out from under these self-numbing tendencies.  I went to several before I got 
my life together.  It was hard for me to learn that I 
didn't have to throw drugs or alcohol at my feelings 
and that it was okay to feel them and meet them head on and acknowledge that I was not broken.

I also sought out counseling and turned my negative 
life into positive choices and possibilities.  My 
choices now come from a sense of weighing out 
which path will bring me the greatest happiness and 
excitement as well as from a place of knowing that I 
am as good as everyone else on this planet and I 
deserve all the best that life has to offer.  I now know that I deserve love and am a lovable person; that if I 
allow people to know the real me, the people worth 
having will stay in my life and not hurt me.  They will give me love and support and in return, they will 
accept the same from me and they will stay in my life.  I also now know that not every person is going to 
like me and that that is just fine.  I don’t need them to.  I only want those people who will not bring drama 
into my life as drama is best left on the stage and 
silver screen.  I have finally reached a point where I 
don’t care what other people think about me or about their judgments on my life.  If they want to be in my 
life and they are worth it, then me you 
can be.  I have weeded out all of the people who I had let in for unhealthy reasons.  I now know that there is a huge difference between acquaintances and true 
friends.  From now on my efforts, love and attention 
are reserved only for my true friends.  In learning this lesson it gave me the strength to say, “no.”  To finally care enough about myself to quit being walked on 
and just say, “no” to the general public and 
acquaintances.  If my true friends need me, I will say yes as long as it doesn't compromise me in any way, 
but learning to say, “no” has empowered my life 
beyond words.

These are not small steps, they are huge leaps that 
will catapult you from a life of negativity and merely existing into a life of excitement and joy.  You cannot however, expect that once you make the decision to 
turn it around it will happen overnight.  You didn't 
reach your current state in one day, it took a lot of 
time.  Patience is going to be key for you to change, 
but you will see guaranteed results the minute you 
make up your mind to choose a positive life and make only positive choices.  From this jumping-off-point you will celebrate the death of your inner victim and rejoice in the birth of the survivor, determined to live life to its fullest.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Did you ever wonder how to begin the journey to find out who you are?  Of knowing how to take the first step in self-discovery?  I had a hard time figuring that out when I first began this years-long trek, but then I found an answer.

At one point, and quite recently I might add, I sat down and I made a list.  This list consists of my achievements.  Not just ordinary achievements, but achievements that I pondered over that I knew were extremely important breakthrough points and/or that made my life change in some way for the better. Once I had this list in front of me and could physically see it and read it over, I could then comprehend everything clearly. It was as though a veil had been lifted from my eyes. It formed a picture of me, a very clear picture, one that made me feel like a mirror had been held up to my spiritual face so that I could begin to see myself for who I really am and not the me I have always perceived, i.e. as seen by those around me.  I could see that I have accomplished so many wonderful things, which also made me realize that I am not done dreaming and setting goals for myself to achieve because I love finding the goals that mean something to me and those I love, and I love the moments where I realize I have achieved those goals. It made me realize that stringing together all of these moments is what makes my life meaningful and wonderful.  I also love knowing that I have a purpose; an important purpose and now that I have focus, I can see it.

In order to get you started I am posting a copy of my list below.  I really hope that, if you crave such a journey or have already gotten started with yours, you will find this a jumping-off point toward the heart of who you are.  If you have found other great ways to aid in self-discovery please post them here so that others can benefit from your experiences.


1. Had a child
2. Raised a child on my own
3. Wrote two books and have one in the works
4. Published two fictional y/a books
5. Published 3 books of poetry
6. Bought a house
7. Remodeled a house
8. Overcame three diagnoses of mental illness
9. Turned a negative life into a positive one
10. Cut out all the drama in my life
11. Learned to fly an airplane
12. Moved to Oregon
13. Made lifelong fiends
14. Started a blog
15. Found Love
16. Kept my art alive
17. Learned to play the guitar
18. Learned to appreciate each day I’m blessed with
19. Found faith
20. Became a life coach
21. Found Wicca
22. Cherished my mother
23. Nursed my mother through her bout with cancer
24. Learning to see the good in everyone
25. Learned to forgive
26. Cherished my good health
27. Learned to be grateful

I wish you a safe and fruitful journey.  May you always be happy, healthy and blessed.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


(It's Probably Me)

If the title to this post brought you here, I'm very glad. Whether out of a sense of curiosity or a feeling that you can relate, I hope this will in some way change the way you think about how you treat people, or how you allow them to treat you.

I have several friends who, I have quite recently discovered, are allowing themselves to be verbally abused by either friends, spouses, relatives, or a combination of all three.  If you are one of these people, if there is anyone in your life who says things to you like:..."You're stupid,"..."You're ugly,"..."You can't do anything right,"..."You could have fixed yourself up today,"..."You're fat,"..."You need to lose weight,"..."You're a loser,"..."What a pig,"..."Are you so dumb that don't understand,"...and countless other choice phrases, then it is time for a wake up call people.  

As someone who has let herself be verbally abused for a lot of years, take it from me, you don't have to live that way.  Do you feel that your boss or anyone else in your life for that matter, is always telling you what you have done wrong, but you very seldom, if ever, hear about what it is you have done right?  Stop letting it happen. 

At this point, most of you are saying, "I don't let it happen, people just say these things to me, it's not my fault."  I'm here to tell you that it is within you to change how you live your life and finally be rid of this damaging, self-deprecating habit. First of all, KNOW that you deserve better...hell, you deserve the best and nothing less!!!  The reason I say that you allow this to happen is because you do. If you allow these people to stay in your life, no matter who they are or how they are connected to you, then you allow it.  If you have thought it over and you absolutely want to keep them in your life, then you must confront them on they way that they speak to you and let them know without a shadow of a doubt that you will not let them talk to you like that anymore. Demand the respect you deserve.  You have every right to be treated in the best possible manner and that starts with the way you treat yourself, which begins by realizing that you are here on this planet and you are every bit as good and worthwhile and talented and loving and caring and deserved of love as absolutely anyone else on this large, over-populated planet of ours (insert breath here...that was a run-on

I have been gradually weeding people from my life for years, i.e. those who don't support me or accept me for who I am, those who try to change me to suit their needs or views of my life, those who are extremely negative and judgmental and especially those who are self-serving and use me to get what they want, wipe their feet on the welcome mat on my back, and then move on with me sitting there wondering, "What the hell did I do wrong?"  Stop asking yourself what you did wrong, it is damaging self-talk, much like saying your sorry all the time.  You didn't do anything wrong. Everything happens for a reason and the things we consider bad or wrong are a frame of reference for those things in life we consider good and right, otherwise how could you tell them apart?

If you look at it from the point of view of the law of attraction, the universe will bring into your life the things you talk or think about so it makes sense to talk and think about good and positive things.  If you say, "Nobody likes me," the universe says, "Your wish is granted.  Nobody likes you."  If you say, "I will never have any friends," the universe says, "Your wish is granted.  You will never have any friends."  If you say, "I'm not good enough," then the universe says, "Your wish is granted.  You're not good enough."  

It doesn't happen overnight and you can't expect it to, but you can change your detrimental thought patterns, you can change who you let in your life and you can change how people talk to you if you allow them to stay in your life.  

Take those first two important steps.  The first step is realizing that you deserve the best from everyone, especially yourself, and the second step is to become conscious of your thoughts and those habits that allow you to allow people to treat you badly.  Life should be wonderful and exciting, not sad or depressing, but it's up to you.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

Thanks For Visiting and Please Tell a Friend if you like what you've seen

Popular Posts

Total Pageviews