MEMORY LANE

I feel that my recent posts are all about sad moments and hard times, but, unfortunately, and in an odd way fortunately, these are the days of my life as of recent.

If you read my last post you know that my mother has been fighting cancer for over a year now and has recently come to a fork in the road where her treatment is concerned. She has run out of conventional western medicine options, i.e. radiation and chemotherapy, and has finally agreed to, what I feel is a more hopeful and realistic approach ~ the naturopathic approach.

Having no means to hire a private nurse, my brothers and I have been staying with my mother 'round the clock as she is very weak and has also just suffered a mild stroke. Although attempting to keep a job, spend time with my son and run two households has proven a bit on the challenging side, taking care of my mother has nonetheless, brought back memories that I thought were dead and gone. Just yesterday as I lay on the bed next to my mother. I began to reminisce about a time when I was 5 or 6...I made sure that wherever my mom went, there I was...on the couch, on the phone, in the bathroom, cooking dinner, and when company came over, being the shy child I was, wrapped around her leg while she smoked and chatted with her friends at the kitchen table. I've been reflecting on the birthday parties, Christmases and holiday meals, all of which were put together with such love that you felt so special to have a mother who went to such lengths to please those around her.

As the years passed (and quite rapidly might I add), my brothers and I obtained lives of our own...busy lives, much like the trend in today's society dictates we should live. We've stayed close in an "obligatory" manner, but the actual sibling comradery we shared seems to have dwindled through the years, except when we are all together with our mother. Lately I've recalled memories of the three of us skateboarding down the driveway and local streets, riding our mini-bike through the fields, and making up fun things to do in the big pile of dirt at the side of our house. We took long walks with the dog in tow, through the redwood forest on the other side of the street. We had picnics on the beach and shared secrets with each other.

I am so happy that these memories have been flooding my brain as of late, and yet so curious as to their purpose. Was I meant to take this trip down memory lane to better appreciate what my family is going through and maybe bring back some the innocence and love we shared in childhood? To make sure that my brothers and I remain a family unit in case of my mother's unfortunate passing? To appreciate all the good things we shared in life and not dwell to deeply on the hurt feelings and sad times one experiences through life? Maybe all of the above. It's as though I'm being told, "This is your life Kimber (a name my mother always calls me). Some restrictions may apply." It aint all good, but honey, it aint all bad either.

I get it now! Stop dwelling on the hurts of long ago. Stop being that angry little girl who couldn't let it all go, no matter what it was. We are shaped by the past, but the future is all that matters, and then only on a daily basis. Shape the future into what you want. Be happy ~ seriously ~ it's a choice and it's just that easy to make. You can choose to be sad, but you can equally choose to be happy and just enjoy everyone and everything around you. Stop taking things for granted. Stop working so much that you don't have time to spend with the family you made in the home you built together. Money is the driver, the root of all of today's evil, our economical plight, our lack of jobs and growth of homeless and hungry.

If nothing else, this trip down memory lane has taught me to open my eyes and really look up at life with childlike astonishment and wonder. If you get the chance, observe a child one day as he/she discovers new things in awe. We should never lose that!!!

THE BRAVEST WOMAN I KNOW...

This is my mother. As I grew up I thought she was the most beautiful mother, inside as well as out. There were times however, as I moved into puberty, that I thought she was too timid for her own good. She gave in to people and didn't stand up for herself when I thought she should have. As I grew older I came to realize that my mother was raised to be this way, as she was raised in Virginia during a time when it was considered "lady-like" to be mousy and succumb to your husband's every whim, not to mention the childrens' whims.

I was lucky. Although I was shy as a child, I was born with a strong and stubborn personality. I could never understand why my mother allowed herself to be everything to everyone, but never to herself. I don't believe I have ever met a more selfless person than she, and as much as I love and respect her, I wanted so much more for her.

When my father died, my son and I moved to Arizona to be near my mother because I wanted my son to grow up with his grandmother in his life, as I did mine. As the years passed I realized that my mother finally wanted more for herself and for her needs. I encouraged this as much as possible and tried on every level to get her to stand up for herself and not take shit off of anyone. Much to my excitement, years later, she is now the strongest woman I know, surpassing myself by furlongs. We grew so much closer when my son and I moved to Arizona those twelve years ago, and now I have the best friend I have ever known.

In August of 2008, we discovered my mother had stage 4 lung cancer. Not only was it a shock to find out she had cancer, as she has always been the healthiest person ever, but to be at stage four? True, she smoked a lot of years, but she quit almost 8 years prior to this treacherous discovery. Since August of 2008, my mother has fought literally for her life. Could this be the same timid person from my youth? She not only gained her identity, but the strength of a thousand lions preparing to fight. Through a year and a half of radiation, three types of chemotherapy, herbal remedies, and a collapsed lung, through highs and lows, ups and downs, this woman has stepped up to the plate. Of course there were hard times and bad times, but through it all she has remained the epitome of strength and beauty and enjoyed getting out there and living life to the fullest.

Several days ago, after enjoying much success in her fight against this relentless beast, we went to the oncologist to check on her progress as we do every three or four months. This time we were told that the cancer was back, that her lungs were fully invaded along with her spleen and the collapsed lung. The doctor, a man with a horrible bedside manner, looked at us and told us there was really nothing more he could do and that there was no hope. He said that she maybe had eight weeks left to live. My heart sank and I looked at my mother who sat there shaking her head rationally as though to say, "I understand." She showed no fear and no sad emotion until we left the office. I don't know if I could have done that. Not after such gut-wrenching news. The past few days have been filled with struggle and sorrow, sadness and fear, but we have decided to try the more aggressive chemo again, along with milk thistle to try to eradicate the cancer from the liver and wherever else it will reach. I am not giving up on her, and I think after today, neither is she.

I wouldn't have believed it 20 years ago if someone had told me how strong my mother would prove to be, but here she is battling like Xena - Warrior Princess, and I couldn't more proud and thankful that she is my mother and my best friend.

ANGER = DIS-EASE?

This morning at 8:00 a.m. as my disrespectful neighbor decided to open the door of his house that faces my home and belligerently blast his music to 110 decibels, I felt red, hot anger rise up and seethe in my head and my body. I lost track of everything I was doing, ultimately burning the bacon, while I was in the process of calling the police and having them address this situation with him for the nth time this week. I snapped at my son when he came into the room. I began to shake with such venom that I could not control it. Finally the police arrived and he turned the music off. For hours after this I could not think of anything pleasant or get my morning back on track. I managed only to try to understand why he feels the need to be so rude and disrespectful toward me. It seems he plays it just loud enough for me to be disturbed, and opens only the door that faces my house, and therefore, disturbs none of the other neighbors. I have done nothing to bother this man, but he take great pleasure in making sure he bothers my son and I.

It was at that point that I realized just how much damage I let him do to me. I let him ruin what would otherwise have been a very pleasant morning. I let him change my mood into an angry and unhealthy one, and I let him spoil the nice time my son and I would have had at breakfast. Notice I use the phrase, "I let him," because ultimately had I not chosen to go there and dwell upon all of this unpleasantness, this would be a non issue.

Anger = dis-ease and dis-ease = illness and unpleasantness, which can well up into an unrelenting cancer. If there is one thing I learned recently it is that holding anger and other ugly emotions inside without dealing with them, results in pain and illness. Having attended that fabulous retreat got me to the point that I can sit back after the fact and realize what happened and what I could have done in the moment. I now understand how to slough off the bad from the situation, but I need to understand how to do this in real time, as it happens, and make better choices.

I think I am making great progress in this area, especially for such an impatient Taurus with a Virgo rising. LOL.

The lesson today? Just breathe!!!!!!

JUST BREATHE...

As we made our way home from New Mexico, four weary but spiritually enhanced travelers, daylight ebbed into dusk creating the most entrancing sunset I have seen in years. I took this picture out of the window of the car we were traveling in. It seemed as though the clouds had frenzied themselves into a tornado, but it was just a spectacular formation. This photo is completely unenhanced.

Our spiritual retreat this past weekend introduced me to Shelly, a woman with shamanic healing ability, and a kind and generous soul. She guided the four of us onto our respective, intended paths, and taught us how to redirect the negative energies plaguing our emotional and physical beings.

I think the most important thing I learned was how to breathe. I had not realized it before, but I don't breathe much on any given day. I was guided in how to open all of the seven chakras and how to breathe up through them. I learned the method of breathing from the abdomen as opposed to my usual, shallow chest breathing, and how to tell the difference between the two. As I progressed and practiced throughout the weekend, I could not believe how much better I felt. It was as though each breath pulled new and fresh energy and life inside me as each exhale released years upon years of negativity and dis-ease. I have made a vow to myself that each day shall be filled with this conscious breathing until one day, quite on its own, it becomes a natural phenomenon and not a conscious endeavor. When I reach that point I know I will have crossed into another plain of existence.

Thank you Shelly for the the awesome lessons learned (and the great cooking), thank you Anna and Tiffany for the chance to share this trip with you and get to know one another on a deeper level, and thank you Andy for coming along, even though your foot, ribs and finger were broken. We were an awesome foursome.

IN SEARCH OF...

I just got back from having the best massage I've ever had, and I have to say, aside from the obvious pleasure of knotted muscle giving way to deep kneading, I enjoyed discovering my chakras and learning their colors and respective purposes.

I have always been a very spiritual person, not in the sense really that I have ever belonged to one religion or sect in particular, but in the sense of nurturing and exploring the individual spirit and its journey. I envision life as a beautiful and dense redwood forest, replete with mighty oak trees. Through this forest lies thousands of paths, twisting and forking their way through its density, sunlight beaming through open spaces in random places. Our journey winds us through this forest and down these paths, not just one path, but many different forks, all chosen for us and laid out on a grand map that we can never know on a conscious level. We must take each and every path, the good, the not so good, and the indifferent. Yes, we have free will and yes, we can can make our own choices, however those choices are launching pads to set us off in the direction we need to obtain our ultimate destination. A good example of this would be the "not so good" choices I made when I was in my twenties and how most of those results seemed quite horrible at the time, but out of all the muck, I emerged with this awesome soul as my son. I'm so fortunate to be able to share my journey with this intelligent, spiritual and loving soul and if I had not made those particular choices, he would not be in my life and I would be on a completely different path.

I guess the reason all of this was dancing through my mind is because I am fortunate enough to be able to embark on a spiritual journey/retreat this weekend with some very close and spiritual friends. We are traveling to T or C New Mexico and going to the hot springs there with a waterfall, eating foods grown locally, and staying with a shaman who will lead us with drumming circles and other spiritual ventures.

I am learning every day that life is one big learning tree and if we are smart, we learn from each and every thing, even the minute and minuscule ones that we take for granted every day. With age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the ultimate pwer and excitement of getting to know and understand ourselves on a deeper and deeper level. Every day we are in search of something, whether it's finding your keys, your other sock, or your cell phone, lessons are learned and paths are followed deeper and deeper into the forest's abyss, in search of...

Life Rocks!!!!!

EBB AND FLOW

I was sitting at my craft desk yesterday, diligently working on a new purse design. My day was quiet, reflective and very peaceful. It was upon this realization, that my 16-year-old son came home from school with great news; he had been selected for the National Honor Society, fifth year running. I was elated and this news only added to my perfect day, however, much to my chagrin, the day was about to become less perfect by the moment.

I told my son what a wonderful honor that was and how excited I was, only to be met with an attitude of complacency and indifference. I couldn't believe it when he said he didn't know if he wanted to join this year, his Junior year of all years, because he thought it would keep him too busy. Not only that, but the knowledge bowl team that he wanted to join at the beginning of the year, looked like it might keep him too busy also. This is a boy who has wanted to go to college since he was 10. We have been working on his college path ever since that decision because with my income, scholarships are the only way he is ever going to be able to get into college. Needless to say, his lackadaisical attitude turned my perfect day into a combative night. We fought and argued (as is much the case with us these days), until I could muster no more strength. I wrote out my feelings rather than shouting at him, and went to bed. He wrote me a note to apologize for his flip attitude and for the way he has been snapping at me lately and left it for me to read when I woke up this morning.

After much soul searching and assessment, I realized how life is in a constant state of ebb and flow and rise and fall. The tide ebbs and flows as does the weather, the cycles of the moon, the sun and the seasons. Life would be but dull with constant flow and no ebb. We need the rise and fall in all aspects of living.

Although the turmoil of last night lingers in my head and emotions, I know this is only his path, to find his direction in life and to search his soul for the meaning of his life and where he wants it to go. I cannot push my hopes for him and for his future if they are not things that will work on his path.

And so, as the tide and the seasons, I have to learn to ebb and flow with the rest of creation and ride out this torrential storm known as "teenage." May God be with me and give me strength!

TO LOVE A CHILD

To love a child is a selfless act. It sparks the moment we conceive, and lasts to the very edge of the moment we transition into death.

A word that best describes our relationship with our children? Empathy. I choose this word as it is the only one I can think of in the wide world of vocabulary that accurately depicts what I have felt since my son's inception: Empathy:

* I cried when he was born and the doctor slapped him;
* I felt the pain during his first shot;
* I cried at night when neither one of us could figure out what
was wrong and why we couldn't sleep;
* I rooted for him as he struggled to his knees to crawl and
eventually to his feet to walk;
* I laughed hysterically the first time he discovered something
funny;
* I cinched with pain from every "owie" inflicted from falling
down and slamming fingers in doors;
* I sunk with depression when we had to leave each other on
his first day of day care;
* I rejoiced in the beauty of his first art creation as it was the
most beautiful thing we'd ever seen;
* I burst with pride when he was the first in his class to read
and on a level three times his grade;
* I felt great achievement for every report card ever brought
home;
* I hung on every word when someone would comment on
what a wonderful person he'd become;
* I walked on cloud nine when he had his first crush;
* My heart broke the first time his was broken and we cried
together;
* I feel every agonizing moment of frustration and confusion
through is teenage angst;

...and I'm torn between pride and loneliness with the anticipation of him setting out on his own. I know he will in some way, big or small, better the lives he touches and make the most of every aspect of life he chooses to live.

Thank you God, as I have known no greater gift than my son and the wonderful opportunity to love a child.

FIRST DANCE OF THE YEAR

Well, it's official, school is in. My son has begun his Junior year of high school and last night was the first dance of the year. This is a picture of my son Brice and his friend Morgan. I drove them to the dance last night and it was great listening to them chat in the back seat about all the weird things only they could come with. Oh the memories - LOL.

Sad to think that in a few short years I am going to suffer hard from empty nest syndrome. Oey!!!!

TWO NEW CIGAR BOX PURSES FINISHED!!!

THE QUEST BEGINS...

The time has finally arrived - it's official - I am old. My son has worked all summer long with one main goal---buying a car for himself. I told him I would match whatever he could make and that it should amount to enough for a decent starter car. Little did I realize he grossed a little over $2,000.00 this summer. DANG, I think I need to go to work at McDonald's. They pay pretty well.

Brice has had his permit since he was fifteen-and-a-half. He turned 16 this past June 20th and has been chomping at the bit ever since. I remember that feeling of desperately wanting to drive by myself and have my own transportation, which in my mind, equaled freedom. Woo hoo!!! Wow, where has the time gone?

When I was young I used to laugh at people who said things like, "Life is short...", or "It'll pass you by before you know it..." I thought, wow 80 or 90 years of life seems like a long time to live and would take a long time to reach. Even though I am now just 47 (and feel 85), I look at where my son is in life and think, he's going to leave me in just two short years. Before I had him, I could never imagine my life with a child in it, and now, I have a hard time imagining it without him constantly there, in my house, in my every day life. This "empty nest" syndrome, as it is called, is sneaking up on me quickly. I think I need a battle plan for when he leaves, although I can immediately think of so many things I want to do right off the bat. Hmmm, I may actually like this situation...and then he could still visit...LOL. But, as usual, I digressed, again.

There is a young man where I work at UHaul who is a master mechanic at the ripe old age of 21. He is really great at it. He constantly buys and sells vehicles and lately has been trying to come up with a vehicle for my son. Bless his heart, I think it is a mechanic thing, but the cars he is coming up with have killer engines, but no back seat and/or ripped up interior. I'm like, dude, we need a whole car - tee hee.

Hopefully by September I will have the money we need to finance a SMALL, 4-cylinder vehicle for him, and many bottles of Valium for me. We are about to embark on a whole new era for us both. He now gets to take off and go out there and do his thing. I now get to come home and worry about where he is and if he's safe and when he's coming back. I'm sure this worry on my part will subside eventually, but for now, it is strong and anticipatory. My friend, Annie's son, Ryan, has been driving for over a year now and he recently soloed a trip that was about three hours from where they live. She said she called him like every half hour asking things like, "Are you okay? Have you stopped and gassed up? Has anyone been bothering you? Are you there yet? How much longer do you have to get there?" Yup, that's gonna be me. Poor Brice. LOL!!!!!

I FINALLY FINISHED THE CIGAR BOX PURSE

Wow, has life been keeping me busy lately, or what? It seems the older I get, the busier I am. Now that I am working a job that involves full physical labor in the hot Arizona sun, I come home and I'm just wiped and ready to eat and sleep and nothing else.

I started this cigar box purse about a month ago and have only been able to work on it in spurts. I'm so excited that I finally got it done. Woo Hoo!

I decided on a gold theme with pearls, to accentuate the vintage photo in the center. All of the hardware is gold as well.

I really liked the crackle medium as it gave it an antiqued look. Below are several views of different angles of the purse. I'm going to start another one very soon.

I wrapped gold edging laced with pearls around the whole box.












This isn't the best picture of the clasp, but it consists of a gold hasp attached by a gold clip which is attached to a gold heart bracelet.

The back displays a better view of the gold corners used on the bottom of the box, along with an old, beaten, Coca Cola bottle top I smashed into the crackle. It's funny how I collect all of these little odds and ends and stash them away and then one day, one of them will strike me as the piece to use in a project I'm making. Some of them I've coveted for years. What a pack rat I've become. LOL.










On the inside of the box I decoupaged some old newspaper ads I had from way back in the 40's or 30's, not really sure which.
















I certainly hope the next one goes a lot smoother and quicker, now that I've finally figured out ways to attach handles and other vital purse parts.

Will keep you updated on the latest projects as they slowly make their way to the finish line. For more on my daily antics, come visit me on my Facebook page.

THE SOUND OF THE RAIN

The rain is pouring outside and, as odd as it is for Arizona, has been most of the day. It seems we have our monsoons early this year, which is fine by me as it keeps the heat down.

As I sat quietly, working diligently on photography projects, I began to listen to the pattern of the rainfall. Wow, why is it I never took the time to stop and listen hard enough before, to realize that rain could fall in a pattern? I just thought it came down randomly.

It was almost like a symphony - click, click, click, splat splat - click, click, click, splat splat, plop, faster and faster, building as if to a musical crescendo and then slowing down to an almost inaudible tick, tick, splat, tick, tick, splat.

The more I stop and take the time to listen to nature, the more I realize just how many sounds we take for granted and how many we never hear consciously - either because we're too busy, or just because we have so many other things on our minds.

I am making a conscious effort to slow down and try to find all of the wonder there is to discover in the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and sensations of nature. We are not on this planet long, or in this realm, but I believe the more we experience, the more we are able to take with us when we leave it. Maybe that is why photography intrigues me so much. It allows me to capture moments in time as well as the beauty I find wherever I find myself.

Thank you Mother Nature!!!

WOW!!!!

Wow!!! I can hardly believe it. I'm registered with several writer's groups and an online magazine by the name of, "Useless Knowledge Magazine," contacted me re having read my profile and asked me if I would be interested in submitting an article. I looked at their guidelines and, since I love useless knowledge, found the invitation quite flattering.

When I got home today, I looked at my email and they have accepted my article, a humor piece, and already have it up and running on their online publication. I'm so thrilled by this, I just can't express how much.

If you're interested in checking out my article, I have provided the following link:

http://www.useless-knowledge.com/1234/09june/article022.html

MY LATEST BOOK IS READY

Well, I finally got diligent and finished my latest book of poetry. It is entitled "Simply Poetry, Poems for the Seeking Soul." It is again of the coffee table variety and contains a good deal of my photography, mostly floral. I'm really proud of this one. I hope you will stop by and preview a copy (and love it so much you'll just have to buy a copy *grin*).

SIMPLY POETRY ...

By Kimberly D. Miller

Book Preview

ANNOUNCING...

Announcing the inception of my new photography services blog, Kimberly's Photo Kreations. I just finished putting the final touches on the page and I hope you will all visit it. Those of you who are local, I hope you will all hire me (LOL). I'm very excited about all of this and it's really made an enormous impact on me finally being able to delve deeper into a life long passion.

MY TOYS HAVE ARRIVED

I'm so excited!!! I can finally take quality portraits and branch out into more opportunities with the new toys I just acquired: a whole lighting and background setup. Since its arrival this afternoon, I have done nothing but explore possible lighting techniques and take different shots of my son, who reluctantly and kindly agreed to sit for me. He's so great that way.

These are some of the shots I am now able to take, but I am still in the process of finding the best lighting set up. Can't wait until my tie-dye background arrives.

ORIGINAL POST-IT NOTES

One of the things I love best about the town of old Bisbee, is the ambiance of the architecture and the fact that it is still standing. It definitely shows a pride in the people of the town, a pride of ownership and belonging.

My second favorite thing about old Bisbee is their advertising system. No matter where you go, on what street you happen to be on, you are going to know what is going on for the next week by the multitude of fliers tacked to buildings, telephone poles, painted on vehicles, hung around peoples' necks, in store windows, in resident windows, on animals, painted on faces, sticking to your car window wherever you park, and some really odd places as well.

I think the reason I find this so awe inspiring is the fact that Bisbee is a town by and for artists, and who better to find creative ways to publicize events, than artists. I think if I had the money (well, enough to be a starving artist) I would surely make it my home.

NATURE

One of my favorite topics is nature. I have never seen or felt anything so awesome and powerful as what can be seen and felt through nature to the deepest depths of your soul. The sounds, the colors, the intense sensations of the five senses, all manipulated and guided through nature. I'm in awe when I see something like this through the camera lens.

How fabulous it is to have the technology to capture such visions of inspiration and adoration.

A WAY BACK INTO ART

Now that I've obtained employment, I can finally delve back into my art without that guilt feeling, the one that says, "you shouldn't be doing art, you don't even have money coming in."

Our friends, Kathy and Stacy, just celebrated their 25th anniversary. I was fortunate enough to attend their celebratory bash last night, and fun was certainly had by all.

One of the bathrooms in their home, which happens to be one I helped them work on years ago, is themed in vintage nudes. To add to that collection, I made for them a card/wall hanging. The middle area with the writing and picture was flooded with self-leveling gel and set to dry. Some of the objects stick out and some are totally immersed. It was really a lot of fun to make.

On another note, I promised in my last post that I would post a picture or two of the frames I made at Andy's house. This is a wooden frame, patterned in a bamboo look. I thought it turned out really great. I hate to take a picture of a picture because you always get that "glass glare", but I think it shows off the effect pretty well.

All in all, a great start back into art.

OLD PHOTOS

As I sifted through the boxes of photographs in my closet this morning, I came across this rare picture of my mother's mother, Ollie May Brooks aka best gramma in the world. Rare in that finding pictures of her at any age earlier than 60 is very difficult. The caption on the back of this one read, "holding cousin Ronny."

I never imagined my grandmother this young, partly because she had an old soul. This picture reminds me that she at least tried to be young once, but was probably never this age emotionally. I so love the hair styles back then. It was all about length and curls and braids and parts. This is my mother, Sandra, and her brother, David at a skating rink. I REALLY miss skating rinks. David was 2 years younger than my mother. He died 2 years ago of cancer. My mother is currently fighting cancer, but I can look at these pictures and realize that they have had a good life up until this point and I have been very lucky to have had all of these people for relatives.

Anyway - I had a great day with old pics.

THANK YOU ANDY

This is a shout out to my friend Andy, without whom, I would never have had a terrific day learning how to frame my prints. She taught me to matte last year and now fabulous lessons in making gorgeous frames and good times doing it. I love your workshop and your home and your family and you.

These are Andy and Ele's kids, from left to right, Mac, Teddy and Beth. The pugs were named after Macbeth (Mac and Beth). These kids are fun loving but Mac takes the prize in who loves me the most. LOL.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Hmmm, you might ask yourself, what does this image have to do with a birthday!!!???!!! The answer: Nothing, I just think it's pretty. LOL.

My birthday is this Friday, May 1st, and I had to post to tell everyone of the unique and special idea that my dear friend Dawn came up with for my birthday this year. She went to my RedBubble site and bought one of my matted photographs. She said she has been eying one of them for awhile so for my birthday she would buy herself the present. I was so excited. I love it so much when someone, especially a fellow artiste, thinks enough of something I've done to actually purchase it. It think it is the ultimate form of flattery.

So to Dawn, my unique and special friend, thank you so much for the birthday present and the compliment. You are loved and missed on an hourly basis.

BLUE GLASS (Not Bluegrass, this has nothing to do with banjos)

I love blue glass, and recently have found some worth photographing. I am lately trying to put some variety into what I am taking pictures of and I thought since I have been collecting miniature bottles for so long, I would try a few of them on for size (not literally of course, that would hurt).

HELP -I'M A THIN PERSON TRAPPED IN A PUDGY BODY

You know the old adage, "The glass is half full?" I didn't realize just how true that was until yesterday when a dear, new friend of mine (Maria) told me in a very low moment to write down five things I was grateful for. Although my crappy mood, brought on most likely by every freakin' thing I'm dealing with these days, topped off by the lovely men-o-pause (what do "men" have to do with it anyway?) - was not going to allow me to feel any different, I wrote down five things I was grateful for. They were: 1. My health; 2. The time I am spending with my mother; 3. my son and his health; 4. My chance at life; and 5. My friends. I could probably have come up with more, and believe me, yesterday just these five were not easy, but I opted to sleep. I honestly think a lack of sleep is what's getting to me lately.

It is my philosophy that things are either black and white, or color. Nothing in between. People are put into your life, onto your path, and all strangers are potential friends. They either help you, love you, listen to you, have your back, guide you, hang with you, talk with you and, if you're really lucky, all of the above.

I have to say, one thing that has been missing in my life since I had to move away from my home in California and my dearest friend on earth (you know who you are Annie), and since my friend and soul sisters Dawn and Lydia moved away from Arizona, is a true confidante and friend to spend time with, listen to, and confide in. In fact, it has been so long, that I am out of practice in knowing how to be a good friend (in the local sense - I've got the long distance friend thing down pat) because I've become so used to sucking up into my own little world most of the time and I don't remember social skills at all anymore. Hence the fact that I need to go back to school to major in social interaction. LOL. I think we need classes for that. I know I do.

With age comes wisdom and, in some areas of our lives we learn to adjust and live with what we are dealt. We don't always like what we are dealt, but we have to learn to adjust and deal. This is the hard part for me sometimes. I often get the feeling that I'm beating a dead horse (who ever came up with that expression? It's really morbid). They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over and expecting different results. That may be one of the wisest things ever thought of, in my opinion.

The solution? To choose the path of least resistance and soar with the eagles. In the words of Doris Day, "Que Sera Sera" and in the words of the Beatles, "Let it be." Aren't song lyrics awesome? "All we are is dust in the wind." I love that one. Darn, now that I thought of those, hoards of song titles are flooding my brain. Oh, I also just remembered this saying, "You are what you eat." I've not been eating well lately. This could be the whole problem - LOL.

CHOCOLATE CHALLENGE

As I regrettably missed the last challenge at one of my favorite blogs, One Man's Travels at: http://grahamettridge.blogspot.com/, I certainly couldn't miss the next one, simply entitled Chocolate. I took this picture one night as I glanced over at the table by my side and realized that what was on the table, certainly summed up my vision of comfort. When I was younger, I used to have many vices, and I DO mean many. Wine and chocolate however, I refused to give up, and if you knew me then, you'd know how trivial they are in comparison. Although the capture was not intended as greatness, it was intended as expression, which I think I achieved here. Thank you Graham. As always, I love your photo challenges.

AREN'T WE LUCKY?

As reflective as I am on a general basis, it's no wonder that when I was staging these shots of my son, Brice, I kept reflecting on the wonderful quality my life has obtained since becoming a mother.

I feel so fortunate to have someone in my life who can offer different perspectives on things and who can share his individuality. I am in awe of the person he has become and the fortunate fact that I have been allowed to be there for every changing, shaping moment, offering the teaching and wisdom, and sometimes the necessary hard-handedness, that goes into guiding one's child.

I have recently begun to take stock of the fabulous things in my life, and am so thankful for all that I have. I now realize all of the bad things a person has to go through, are not really "bad" at all, but rather twists and turns on a path we are destined for, and changes that get us there.

My thanks are many and my life forever changed for this blessed being in my life.

SPRING IS SPRINGING

For me, one of the most exciting things about the onset of Spring is the ability to put color back into my garden. Although Arizona is going through its freaking windy season right now, and I mean hurricane force windy, I still managed today to plant all of my flowers, herbs and vegetables and declare war on every weed that got in my way!!!!

I'm also getting that underlying feeling, which grows stronger as Spring approaches, that I have way too much stuff in my house, in my storage, in my yard and everywhere else in my life. This happens every year (sometimes several times a year). I believe it's nature's way of putting me in the mood to Spring clean (several times a year~not just in Spring).

Spring has also brought with it (actually it just timed out like that) several new and sometimes scary, life changes. My son, Brice, is now driving. Dawn, if you're reading this you'll be as freaked out about this as I am. I have to be the teacher because Arizona of course offers no driver's courses. Although he is proving to be quite a confident driver with practice, I remain constantly nervous, especially at the high speeds (anything over 50.) I don't think is particularly because Brice is the driver (of course that's a lot to do with it), as much as it is the fact that I'm usually the driver all the time for Brice and my mom and I've become quite the nervous rider if not able to be the one in control of the vehicle.

As I end this post, I wish you all thorough enjoyment of the onset of Spring and hope that everyone will be able to get out there and put some color into your life; not just in the garden, but every aspect of your life. One thing my mother's cancer has taught me is just how precious every moment is. Spend them wisely and tell those around you how much you love them and how precious they are to you.

NATURE ROCKS

As I walked amongst the tall cottonwood trees, amid a dense forest by a beautiful rippling creek, with a cool, gentle breeze at my back, I asked myself, "Does it get any better than this?"

Though I live in the desert, and not by choice because I would much rather have stayed by the ocean from whence I came, I have managed, through many active and knowledgeable Arizonians, to have found the most intriguing and beautiful spots of all.

I never realized just how much nature existed in the desert. We were hiking through Sonoita Creek area and came upon 8 blue heron nests. Every single nest had a daddy on a branch as a look out and a mommy in the nest with at least three babies a piece. Blue herons are so large, in fact the last one I took pictures of, standing on its feet, came up to my neck. I found it so interesting and picture worthy that these large fowl are able to build huge nests at the very top of a tree and still have it support all of that weight. I decided they have to build the nest at the very top of the tree because their wingspan is incredibly wide, much too wide to land effectively on the mid to lower branches.

On another, completely unrelated note, I am finally getting back into crafting. I am assembling fat book pages as much as I can while I await the last pages from one of my round robin group members. There are still five of us left and believe it or not, we managed to remain in tact thus far. I will be posting more pics of these new projects as they progress. In the meantime, I will remain ever in awe at these beautiful discoveries in the desert. Nature Rocks!!!!!

PAGING EMILY LATELLA

Is this the cutest little guy or what? On our hike this past weekend through Sonoita Creek, we happened upon this little fella who happened upon some great nuts (not Grape Nuts) and decided he was going to enjoy their luxurious flavor whether we were there snapping pictures, or not. He let me get in about five shots before he darted off to frolic in the nearby creek. They all came out rather well despite that blasted tree limb in the way.

Did you ever have the pleasure of watching the original, first season of Saturday Night Live? Well I did, and now, through the magic of DVD and Netflix, so has my son. And, much to my enjoyment, he loves it, especially the land shark (candygram), and Emily Latella. Gilda Radner portrayed many a character that first season: Babwa Wawa and Roseanne Rosannadanna come to mind immediately, but none so beloved as the ever-hard-of-hearing Emily Latella. The last episode we watched entailed Emily doing her usual editorial on Chevy Chase's Weekend Update, this week on stubbings in school. "What's all this I hear about so many stubbings in schools these days? Are the kids of today wearing sandals and not watching where they walk? Are they clumsy enough to slam their toes into every corner they try to turn? What about more serious problems in the world like teens shooting one another or all the violence in New York City. I just don't think these silly stubbings..." at this point Chevy interrupts Emily to say, "Emily, it's not stubbings in schools, it's stabbings," to which Emily always replies, "Oh, well that's very different. Never mind."

If I've been having any low moments lately, they have been lifted by the constant craziness of shows of my youth. I have even brought in, for my son to watch with me of course, early episodes of Laugh In as well. I recommend to anyone having hard times these days to invest in happy movie or show memories from their youth. Although I'm sure they won't cure anything, they certainly offer a much-needed share of fond memories and gaiety in an otherwise stressful time in life.

LONG LIVE EMILY LATELLA!!!!!!

FOUR INCHES OF SNOW????? IN ARIZONA?????

I woke up this past Tuesday (which I feel is always a good sign of the day to come) and, as I habitually do, I casually glanced out the window to see what the morning weather was like.  Imagine my surprise!!!!  My son Brice was like, "Mom, it snowed," to which I lovingly replied, "Duh!"  He was so excited that he started to dash toward the back door.  I halted him in his tracks only to suggest that he consider putting on a heavy coat and some shoes as pajamas are not generally too warm in the snow.  A reaction to be expected from boy raised in the desert.  He laughed, put on his heavy coat and shoes, and ran out the door.  I took my time of course as I am never too eager to run out into the cold without first preparing for frost bite. LOL.  This was probably the most snow we've seen in a few years, inch-wise.  It measured 4 inches in our backyard.  

Brice made a snowball and then opted to see

 how big he could get it.  

Then, as all son's do, he held it up as if he were going to throw it at me. 

 I of course ran into the house because now that he is older 

and taller than me, I was sure his aim had improved.

The scariest element of a snow day in Arizona?  People freak out to drive in it, and for those of you who have lived in this part of the country before, you know that people around here tend not to be the best drivers in the first place.  Thank God the snow melted of by noon or the air would have been constantly permeated by the shrill sound of sirens for the rest of the day.  

All in all, it was great to have a snow day and enjoy a little bit of winter.  We also got to see why people from cold states move to places like this, or at least winter here.  Brrrrr.

FUN WITH MATTES & BOOKS

I have been having the most fun lately in creating more mattes and books. This is a portfolio that I created with a forget-me-not cover. I've always wanted hand made portfolio, so I sat down for days and invented the dimensions for this one. I was really happy with the way it turned out.








This picture of my mother and father's wedding was really fun to create. I mounted the entire piece on a matte board with a matte frame. I also mounted some small pieces of matte onto the board reflecting words like Timeless, Remember and Treasure. I then mounted the pictures on doors that open to reveal their names and wedding date on a map of the city they were married in, circling the town they settled in and where I was born. I'm gonna give this one to mom. She said she wanted it to hang in her house.

I've also been very busy creating books, which as you know, is a huge passion of mine. Long tall Sally here sports two bells on the spine and is as tall as legal sized envelopes, which are sewn into the signatures every three pages and sealed with Velcro for ease in opening and closing.








This book has hemp-lined chopsticks as clasps. Once you pull them back you can open the flap on the right to reveal the paper inside right next to the pencil box. The pencil box holds pencils which I also wrapped in the same paper as the book cover. You could also use the box to carry pens and/or various office supplies.

It has been hard few weeks, what with all this job searching and all, but all of this crafting has literally saved my sanity (what there was left of it anyway).