What are you "sorry" about? I was thinking about the word "sorry" today because it dawned on me just how many times a day I hear that word, not to mention how many times I say it myself. The word "sorry" means full of woe/sorrow, or sadness, and it made me wonder why we are so sorry all the time.
For people of my generation and back, I suppose we can't really help it. I recall growing up hearing my parents say, "tell him/her you're sorry." Now at the time I didn't know I was sorry, I was just supposed to "say" I was sorry. I was conditioned into an emotion that I didn't feel, which is dishonest, really. I get that at the time that particular learned behavior was considered a "manner," as in growing up learning manners so you will be accepted in society. It's all a part of appearances it would seem. Was I sorry I burped? No, it actually felt great. Was I sorry I bumped into a lady on my way out of a public doorway? No because it was an accident. I suppose I could have used the antique phrase, "I beg your pardon," but the word "beg" really turns me off because it isn't true and I won't beg forgiveness for an accident.
I think if people really got in touch with their feelings they could admit that much of what they say they "feel" is due to being conditioned by society a.k.a our parents. I often wonder what a different person I would be had I been allowed to discover and fully express my feelings as I was growing up. I've always been so repressed emotionally and now that I'm finally able to explore who I am, I feel so much freer by just being honest about my feelings. No more will I play societal games. No more will I put up with people who do not meet my conditions for friendship. No more will I put up with false people who have false values and play games and create so much drama in their lives. I'm done with drama and if I ever desire it again, it will be at a play, on the stage where it belongs.
Do I sometimes feel sorry for choices I've made that have also affected others in a negative way? Absolutely, but that sorrow is real, it's mine, it's not superficial or polite. I'm me now, the real me. I can go to the concert in the park with no makeup on, no bra, holes in my jeans in all the right places and my hair piled up on top of my head with a chopstick holding it there. I'm not sorry I look like me, I'm not sorry I'm finally comfortable in my own skin and I'm definitely not sorry for being who I am meant to be.
So it all boils down to the fact that I am excited and proud to finally understand what it is to be me and I won't be "sorry" about it any longer. My question to you now is, what are you "sorry" for?
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